can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
