You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
