The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
