Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
