Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
