Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
