dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is Oprah even human
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
