the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
