Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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