if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
