New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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