my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
