he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
