found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
