Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
