Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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