4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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