I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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