I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
