We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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