evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
