remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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