Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
