I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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