Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
