So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
