fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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