the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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