I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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