420 ftw
I just made out with a guy for $7.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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