life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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