My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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