he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
