How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
