I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
