And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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