how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
