I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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