Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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