Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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