Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
