A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
