that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Still dying that you shit outside
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
