Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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