He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
