so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
