I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
