You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize