id be glad to
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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