no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
