Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
