His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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