I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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